Despite announcing their retirement last week, aging German rockers, The Scorpions, have found that a band of their world-renown simply can't quit and expect to live out their golden years with a fishing pole and a cooler of off-brand beer.

The Scorpions song "Winds of Change" served as the tear-jerking backdrop for the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, and amazingly, many Germans feel they haven't heard that old chestnut enough. To that end, German Chancellor Angela Merkel said she would be signing an emergency measure to press the band back on the road as a form of national service.

She wasn't yet sure when the band might be released from their national obligation, but was quick to point out that there was also the matter of a binding umbrella contract with the dark lord, Beezlebub, that allowed the band to reach the heights of stardom in the first place.

Photo used under CC license from Tim Yates

Brett during his 20 minutes of retirement. It must have been torture.Oh surrrrreeee- here we go- now that America's favorite unpronounceable quarterback Brett Favre has successfully come out of retirement, *all* the old salts think it's time for them to get back on the horse. Garth Brooks has announced that he's coming back to subject us to "Friends in Low Places" and "Two Pina Coladas" for years to come. Only this time, he's not even going to bother to get off his duff and come to your town. Instead, he's forcing you to travel to the Wynn in Las Vegas for the privilege of being subjected to his aggravating brand of power country-pop. I won't do it Garth, I won't!

What Favre and Brooks don't seem to realize is that these act of malicious un-retirement cast aspersions on the whole notion of working hard and walking away while you're still at the top of your game. Some of us, while far away from that day, don't want retirement to be a dirty word when we do get there. We want it to be a golden, triumphant moment of a working-life mastered, and unlike some people, anticipate no trouble filling our time with pleasant activities until the end of days. How dare you sirs!

While we're on the subject of obnoxious retirees, let me talk directly to Bill Gates for a minute. For the love of Pete, Bill- enjoy some of those billions in your golden years. We want you to live it up, if only for our sakes. What if we happen to become billionaires, and then everybody gives us the stink eye because we don't give away all our money or cure an epidemic? If you must do it, fine, but just keep doing your charitable works in the anonymous obscurity of retirement, please.