We hate to do it, Brooke, but seriously...we told you so. You mother, brother, sister, father, uncle, hairdresser, gardener, waiter, valet, first-grade teacher and doorman probably told you so, or if they didn't, they sure wanted to. Denise Richards, his ex-wife, *definitely* told you so.

Urban therapists have diagnosed their conditions, free of charge.

Who the hell marries a guy like Charlie Sheen and doesn't expect to have a knife put to their throat on Christmas? If you review the vows, he probably even told you it was going to happen. I'm sure he seems nice enough, but Charlie Sheen isn't the real problem. It's his alter-ego, Carlos Irwin Estevez, you have to watch out for. Charlie Sheen will buy you chocolate and furs for Christmas, but Carlos will carve your face like a Christmas goose if you don't keep him entertained.

Photo used under CC license from johnnieutah.